Family lives upstate I live on the island. Saw my brother & am feeling sad. I miss everyone so much!?

4 yrs ago my dad had a stroke & heart attack & had 2 move in w/ my brothers 2 go 2 physical therpy.I used 2 c my dad EVERY SUNDAY!After he moved (day after x-mas) we promised 2 visit 4 times a yr.My brothers moved 1 hr past dad 2 yrs ago & nw I only visit twice a yr My dad I visit 4 times but last yr only was able 2 once & my brother once.Saw my brother & sister-in-law 3x in the last 3 day & now feel loney!Hubby sayd have attitude but I don't feel right.I feel like I do EVERYTIME I leave my dad like I'm only half living, like I'm leaving my heart w/ them!I feel like I'm alone!I want 2 visit my family more but hubby says no & won't give me the $ 2 go 4 a week!I want 2 move up there but hubby says no plus have step-son,his family,my mom&sister & nephews here!I just feel wierd!My dad is not doing well his dr said he is @ risk 4 another stroke &/ heartattack & this 1 will kill him!Everytime I leave I feel like I'll never go back again!Y do I feel like this,I want 2 do something but what?